turning a corner

Seem to be on the mend from COVID/pericarditis now. Had a few weeks almost pain free, just one day at a 4/10 pain. Walking speed back up, recovering faster from exercise. Feel like I have more of a reserve of energy and I’m able to do my job, do housework, walk the dog and then do something like talk to friends.

Have painted about 40 of these walls with oils and acrylics. Heavily inspired by a rusted boiler unit in a warehouse we were taking over. I was tracing cables through it as the previous network engineer refused to give us a map and access keys to the equipment unless we paid an extortionate sum. Had to crawl around the emergency escapes to find the switch. A nice amount of contrast without “popping”. Enjoyed blending the oils and getting a wet, organic feel to the rust and staining. The religious statues are inspired by street shrines I saw in Seville.

I usually say all this before I take a turn for the worse, but the bad episodes are getting easier. Nearly a year in, hoping it’s coming to an end and I can start to recover. In other sad news, in touch with a few people with similar heart pain through the web and they are not improving. Keep saying it’s only a matter of time.

Battery died in the car out of nowhere, suppose it was 13 years old. Was due to go into the office, but non-essential. Dead even after getting charged and then driven for an hour at high speed. Father in law helped me replace it, appreciate all the help they’ve given us. Helped them by cleaning a winter of dog shite from the garden, so glad I can pay them back in some way. Car is due to get tested next week, so they can certify it roadworthy to drive for the next year. The dreaded NCT. So for the best it happened now and not on the morning of the test.

Am thinking of getting a newer car, but I do so little driving these days, it’s hardly worth it. Maybe in 5 years, the next-gen electric cars will be affordable second hand. And the technology will be more mature. And they’ll have figured out if it turns your frogs gay or whatever. Just another 4 weeks until they start to roll back the lockdowns in Ireland for the summer. Granny and sister got vaccinated. Neither have cold-called me asking if I’ve considered Microsoft Azure over AWS for my corporate cloud computing. Slowly inching towards fun and real life again.

Neighbours began making noise again by running an angle grinder all afternoon on the weekend, but heard them say they would be wrapping up before dinner so we wouldn’t complain. So our threats last summer to take them to court for nuisance registered.

All I have are negative thoughts

Tested negative for COVID on Tuesday after I got COVID-y symptoms over the weekend and my chest pain came back. Got tested. Probably just a cold or flu somehow despite seeing almost no-one. The doctor also said it could be further post-COVID complications triggered by the cold. So that’s a relief I haven’t been re-infected. Back to treading water for fitness by walking around. Haven’t felt like doing much due to shortness of breath. Taking cherbs our Chinese friends sent us: Lianhua Qingwen Jiaonang. Seems to have a good effect on cold/flu symptoms, the ephedra definitely gets you going.

Ran the first session of the new Dark Heresy “season” which was very well received. Looking forward to the next one next week. Keeping on with the painting and trying new stuff like gems, lenses and camouflage.

Returning to “normal” is definitely going to take a while. The memory problems are definitely an issue for me now that my new job is ramping up. I feel lucky I am not crippled, but I am not healthy by any stretch. Still have persistent fatigue. Still have trouble walking and reduced capacity for exertion. Still having neurological symptoms like depression and anxiety. Tough being old man mode when I was the fittest I ever was this time last year. Trying not to be doomer about it. Big “why bother” feeling about work. Started reading about long term effects of the Russian flu of the 1890s and the Spanish flu of the 1920s on people. Looks like I’m in for a ride. Nevertheless, Christmas was good and I have seen incremental improvement since I’ve been sick.

2021

I usually finish a year by getting fucked up somewhere. 2020 was definitely the year that fucked me. Still on the mend after many false dawns. Back into another lockdown in Ireland with almost everything now shut. Struggling through it. New Iwata HP-BH airbrush is great, able to get a ricegrain sized line when painting and using it with inks to basecoat entire miniatures. Doing more with oil paints too, first experiments below.

done with 4 colours: red, yellow and black and white. The zorn palette. You’ll definitely find me flagellating myself cum 2022 if this shit keeps going.

Best thing to come out of 2020 was my friends painting more and adding more people to the gaming group. Never done as much painting as I have in 2020 or pushed my skills as much as I have. Very fortunate. Also a year in which my faith was challenged and it’s not as deep as I thought. But that’s OK. Still trying.

Decided to roll with it and do another remote Dark Heresy game. Should be good – probably going to retread some maps and characters I never quite to make the most of from 2017/2018. Have a good, engaged group and excited to see how they deal with the scenario and how it plays out. It’s not too bad.

yes, I’m a SIMP

  • Sysadmin
  • Implementing
  • Mediocre
  • Protocols

Still alive, still physically recovering. Able to run around town for 2 hours today while carrying bags and wearing a mask. Then go for a walk in the park. Struggling mentally though. Brain is exhausted by the last 2 weeks of Christmas prep and will they/wont they shut the country down before Christmas day. Seems we’re going into another lockdown Christmas eve as cases are spiking once again. For another 2 months. Seems there’s a more infectious strain in Europe going around, almost certainly in Ireland already. So Christmas is not cancelled per se, but it’ll be more restrained/risky. Well supplied physically, but will definitely be on the rosaries to keep going. Saying “Hail Mary” when I’m feeling down, trying to talk it out with the Falcon.

Crushed we won’t get to meet up and do tabletop RPG/beer & pretzels wargaming but a Zoom RPG is better than no RPG at this stage. Might take the time to write and edit an actual set of D100 rules. Certainly I’m well enough to do the rest of my shit then do a game for 4-5 hours. And whatever happens this Christmas, just going to try make the most of it.

Mists of Mosney Reboot

Been more than a year since I ran a STALKER: Mists of Mosney game. Looking to do some tabletop games over Christmas while we are briefly allowed visitors to the house, which will likely take the shape of Zona Alfa.

Here’s some of the Freedom stalkers I’ve sculpted hoods, masks and body armour. These I painted mostly with inks and contrast paints. I figure in the Irish Zone of Alienation they would be wearing DPM camouflage. Next step is to take better photos.

Healthwise still improving. House got repainted on the inside and new carpet down. Dog is settling down well, still some behavioral stuff to work through. Hope everyone OK.

Trepanning = post COVID cure and MOPEWOD implications

Heading into week 4 of fasting. Seen substantial improvement in exercise tolerance and reduced fatigue after exertion. Hard to say if it’s the fasting or if it’s the taking it easier. Going to keep going through December. Once you start down alt-medicine paths though, you start seeing weird shit, like drilling holes in your skull for gainzzz. Expect this to explode in the SanFran tech scene in 2-3 years or how it can increase your bench by 5lbs.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1173790/

Ms Perry, who said that she began suffering with the chronic fatigue syndrome last year, said that it was something she had wanted to do for some time: “I felt the effects immediately. I generally feel better, and there is more mental clarity.”

Mr Halvorson, who runs the International Trepanation Advocacy Group and who drilled a hole in his own head in 1972, claims that the 9 mm-wide hole increased his metabolism and got rid of his depression.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/bnj4qv/drilling-a-hole-in-your-head-for-a-higher-state-of-consciousness many golden quotes in this

the epidemic of DIY trepanning is en route
“I think it’s strange that people can get sex changes but not trepanation—a simple operation.” valid point, reject the horrors of modern surgery, return to tradition

The cherbs the Falcon’s Chinese “sister” sent arrived, seems to be a cold and flu remedy the Chinese government was sending out to expats along with masks. Does apparently work. Next time I get sick though I am reaching straight for the drill.

Fasting = post-COVID recovery?

Diamond Dogs, probably my favourite bowie album

Started 16:8 intermittent fasting as a broscience way to recover from the post-viral fatigue. Done a week now, don’t feel any worse, feeling 60% energy most days. My calories are the same. Have also been taking it much easier with exercise and stress. Seeing day to day improvement. Again, there’s been no changes in weather which tends to make it worse. Maybe it’s unrelated, but I’m seeing less inflammatory stuff like joint pain. My trigger finger usually flares up too around this time of year, but it’s been fine. Maybe I’m airbrushing less which usually makes it worse. Got a makeshift standing desk again too.

Experiencing the mental clarity of fasting some people describe in the mornings. Usually with a decreased desire to do my job and an increased interest in the dog, birds and the weather. Week 3 of strict lockdown done in Ireland, still another 3 weeks to go here. The hope is cases decrease enough that we can see family in a controlled way in December. At the moment, only essential shops are open. It’s very difficult not having people into your home, the visit for cup of tea with friends, family or neighbours is so baked into life here.

I have lost 90% of my social skills at this stage.

Current 3d printing project is going well. It’s definitely taught me a lot. I don’t think ever 3d print a whole piece and plonk it down on the table without post-processing and traditional techniques. Using the FDM prints as the skeleton for more interesting, organic stuff is great though. I’d much rather print 30 identical gothic bulkhead walls with exactly the same dimensions and exactly the same degree on their arch to hand cutting them. I can then bring in more traditional techniques once the form is blocked in as an example:

As these are hollow and the walls are just .6mm thick, sanding is not an option. With some epoxy the print lines are less obvious. With more detailed piece and paint, they shouldn’t be noticeable at arm’s length.

many such cases

We need something like this to convince the under 35s it’s gay to get COVID and recklessly spread it. I will be submitting this to the WHO shortly.

The great thing is we can re-purpose all that highly effective AIDS public education material.

the J shaped recovery

Cardiologist gave me the all clear on ongoing inflammation in my heart. No lasting damage it seems from the pericarditis or covid-19. Part of the test was a stress test where they try get me up to 190bpm heart rate on the treadmill. Had some slight chest pain and nearly puked after, but that gave me a lot of confidence I can push myself and start training again as part of my recovery. Time to R.E.S.T. or Resume Extremely Strenuous Training.

Adding in bodyweight squats, db press and db rows to my daily walking, housework and job. Doing OK with it. We also adopted a dog, a pug/jack russell cross. Training and walking her has been a welcome distraction from the pain and suffering of the last 7 months and hopefully marks another turning point. She’s a bit overweight, so hopefully she gets jacked and tanned for 2021. She has an impressive vertical jump for a small, fat dog.

I’ve been sent some cherbs by the Falcon’s Chinese “sister” which the Chinese are all taking for COVID apparently. Will report back when I grow two cocks on the effectiveness of herbology for post-covid syndrome. I don’t have any of the really weird shit, but it’s mostly the fatigue and pericarditis that’s an issue.

Ireland’s cases are bad atm, the North and border counties have made it one of the most infected places in the world per capita. Today is the first day of a 6 week lockdown: no visits, stay within 5KM of your home, only essential shopping. I am less sure these periodic lockdowns are a good solution long term, but I can’t see any alternatives for Ireland. Seems a lot of the cases are tied to community “superspreader” events in parish parties after Gaelic sport matches. So the Gaelic Games Association (no lie a group as closely tied to the formation of the Irish state as the IRA) has a lot of political pull and is trying to keep open. Personally, I think they are right to keep training and having matches. But the parties are a bad idea. The pharma/genetics people I work with are less convinced there will be an effective vaccine, and we are in for 3-5 years of this. Might become endemic, just another fact of life.