Just stick with today’s special.

This has nothing to do with this blog, but would you just listen to me for a little bit? See, I went to the local Gold’s Gym today. Right. Gold’s Gym. And the damn place was packed so full of people, I couldn’t even find a rack. So I looked around a bit, and I found a sign that said “Crossfit strongman Meet – 15% off”. What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you idiots or something? Any other day you wouldn’t even think of going to Gold’s Gym, but if it’s Crossfit, you all flock in here? It’s just 15 fucking percent! 15 percent!  And you’re bringing the kids too. Look at that, a family of four going to Gold’s Gym. Con-fucking-gratulations. And now the guy’s going, “All right! Daddy’s going to do the large axle continental clean!” Shit, I can’t watch any more of this. I’ll refund you the difference on the 15% discount if you get out.

Gold’s Gym should be fucking brutal. Two guys squat facing each other across a box-shaped rack, and you never quite know if they’ll suddenly just start a powerlifting meet right there. It’s lift-or-be-lifted, and that’s what so damn great about the place. Women and kids should stay the fuck away.

Well, I finally found a rack, but then the guy next to me goes, “I’ll go for 25 power snatches!”. So now I’m pissed off again. Who the fuck does snatches for 25 these days? Why are you looking so goddamn proud when you say that? I was gonna ask you, are you really going to do all those snatches in a single set with good form? I wanted to fucking interrogate you. For about a fucking hour. You know what? I think you just wanted to say “power snatch”.

Now, take it from a Gold’s Gym veteran. The latest thing among the pros is this: Smolov squats. That’s the ticket. Loads of squats with little assistance, and GOMAD. This is what someone who knows his shit does. They put in more fat, and less carbs. A large bow bowl of oats with the raw egg, that’s really fucking awesome. Now, you should know, if you keep on Smolov, there’s a risk employees might write you up. This really is a double-edged sword. I really can’t recommend this for amateurs.

And you, fellow moper, well, you should really just stick to the leg extension machine.