Turning first world problems into second-rate performance.

So, I won Employee of the Month for busy season.  Same award I got last year. Just in time for performance reviews. So I am likely to be adequate (3 rated on a bell curve of my peers). At least I could attend the celebratory dinner this year.

That, and the gaming PC which is slowly being built, are just enough to keep me from throwing myself in the woodchipper.

Woman says she no longer believes in God or gods; she is examining her faith. Having come from the other perspective, building an adult and informed opinion on your faith is vital.

Woman is also bringing up internet clickbait articles about gender relations, “rape culture” and the Elliot guy who killed a bunch of people. This and religion feeds into how I am oppressing and controlling her.

Woman has gained more weight from comfort eating, and is bringing up suicide attempts.

Worried. But it’s fine.

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18 thoughts on “Turning first world problems into second-rate performance.

  1. Well, going out to eat because your company thinks you’re adequate is pretty good.

    But uh, women. Yeah I dunno. You could always move to Bulgaria and then father kids that you can make your weightlifting dreams happen vicariously with. And quit auditing.

  2. I recommend cheating on her and getting caught. She’ll read even more of those Jezebel articles but at least she won’t be bothering you about them. And I guarantee it will motivate her to lose weight.

    1. “And I guarantee it will motivate her to lose weight.”

      Yeah, and the first weight she loses will be… you.

      “Woman has gained more weight from comfort eating, and is bringing up suicide attempts.”

      Yours or hers?

      “move to Bulgaria and then father kids that you can make your weightlifting dreams happen vicariously with”

      Bulgaria sucks at WL nowadays, it ain’t 1987. Move to Kazakhstan, there’s actually a lot of high-paying jobs there.

      1. “and the first weight she loses will be… you”

        uh no kidding, fat abby – that’s what i was suggesting

        you don’t want to be with a woman who complains about how you oppress her.

        for example my wife oppresses *me*, and I’m much happier. And i’ve learned to keep my whore mouth shut and not complain about it (except online)

      2. Plan was actually to go hiking in Kazahkstan with Kazak colleagues, with a view to moving. But back and neck injury have put that off until 2015.

        Did the dirt once, can’t really do it again. Everyone gets one.

        But it’s fine, it turns out the wave of cray was due to hormonal contraception being left in a week too long, and “that time of the month” stealthed it.

  3. So I came to a conclusion. I’m not Roman Catholic and Orthodox don’t generally got cool statues like you guys (we got cool paintings, though.) But I thought, man. I like painting Gundam models. I wonder if I could paint Catholic statues?

    Ever consider this?

    1. I picked up a few small religious statutes for a Battletech game, and weathered and painted them to look in scale with the mecha Battletech uses.

      The scenario went like this:

      A lance of 4 space Russian/Chinese go rogue and raid the year 3025 Vatican’s space treasure storage. Swiss Guard mechs begin to re-enforce the statutes and the treasures beneath, but can the space Russians/Chinese carry off enough priceless relics of Terra to start their own empire in the stars?

      Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

      1. 15, and i think i saved a paper from 1994 where i calculated that at my current rate of gaining 5 lbs a month I would be 1340 pounds ripped at age 35 when I reached my physical peak. Even then I knew that was unlikely, but figured that I’d be about 300 ripped for sure.

      2. I wonder what’d be possible with a combination of myostatin inhibitors, growth hormone and anabolics and insulin, but done in a lab. Like what if for example you just had someone on like IV glucose and amino acids and just like electrostimulated their muscles for like 12 hours a day? Like your 1340lb thing got me thinking about bodybuilding and MKULTRA and I wonder if there ever was or will be an MKULTRA type experiment like that where they just went balls to the wall at making the world’s most ginormous human for no reason in an unethical experiment.

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