Highest Performing Teams

So the annual review came in, and I was “very good, meets or exceeds expectations”. According to our 9-box performance management matrix. I need “stretch assignments, coaching and experiences” to move into the pipeline for star leadership potential. They were very vague at the round table about how potential is judged. Last year, I was a high performing intern, but this year I was a cripple. Yet I’m still “very good”.

I was then asked to make a decision about my career and what I was going to “focus on” in second year. When I asked them how I should make my choice, their first response was “do what you are good at” – but my experience to date has been that I have been successful at all asset management, insurance and banking jobs I have been asked to do. They then changed tack and said: “Well then, focus on what you are interested in” – but how can tell them I get assigned based on who needs firefighters the most?

It’s the case that the better you are, the more complex and stressful jobs you get assigned to. The best staff are put on the toughest jobs and kept until they crack or quit. I’m due for a promotion in October, but I can’t see how a week’s worth of training in September will prepare me for the wave of shit come busy season.

When promotions come every year, and only 5% of your staff stay past qualification, and most of your managers come from outside the firm, surely performance reviews are themselves performed perfunctorily? What’s the ROI on these? And it’s not like everyone gets a “very good” in first year- a few got fired last week over bad ratings and failed exams.

We are human capital now; we’re in the machine. They need us to fill the gap that the next year up are leaving. We don’t get a choice. If we had the option to refuse promotions, and the extra €160 a month after tax, I wonder how many would, given that our hours worked increases faster than the salary. But stick around for the experience, our bosses tell us. Hold on. “It will be worth it when you qualify”, the partners and HR tell us. Friends who have been conscripts tell me the atmosphere in the firm is like a war – you have to keep you and your buddies going, and try not to think too much when people bite it.

Our business line has the highest turnover and exam fail rate ever in the firm. I wish I knew what the fuck they are doing to combat that. Probably thinking about building next years intake better. Send in the next wave.


On a Gundam related note, I bit the bullet and ordered some HGUC kits for 0.01p each on Amazon: the 0079 Gundam and Zaku II. I’ve always like the Zaku II. It’s such a grunt machine-  you can easily imagine yourself or anyone piloting it without too much difficulty, and if it breaks? Get a new one!

“Zaku” in Japanese sounds a lot like “small fry” or “grunt”. And in work, we are the small fry, human capital grunts. Send in the next wave.


25 lengths front crawl Sunday.

2×20 one leg bridge on stability ball

5,3,2 Chin ups

Mobility shit


3×20 one leg bridge on stability ball

front plank 1 min

side plank 40 seconds

2×3 chin ups with static hold/slow negative

RC/Shoulder retractions 1kgx20

prone cobras – 10 secs each position



Compliant with the SEC’s §211 dicksucking standard: the client throats 20 cocks quarterly, and has a strong internal fellatio control system in place. The Mouthpussy audit team has tested these controls, and will be relying on them during the audit.


We understand that our free time is empty. We know that our weightlifting blogs are only read by other weightlifting bloggers. We know the content of these blogs is nothing but self-denunciation, a denunciation of the society and a rage against physical culture itself.  Even if we do participate, we are alienated from the values of sport, and instead use it as a chance to consume supplements, unhealthy food and accessories.

It’s no mistake our leisure is empty – it can’t be filled in the framework of blogs, the gym, the rink. Work becomes leisure. Leisure then becomes the true “work”, without any relaxation or pleasure. At least work could be enjoyed for the sense of mastery and agency we gain, or the pressures survived. Going to the gym is spectacle, or at best, maintenance of chronic health problems. Even then it’s inadequate. So we blog about the impossibility of blogging about this shit.

But what should we do when work loses its pleasure? What happens when boxticking no longer ticks all the boxes? Are we still compliant? Without the courage to quit, or the motivation to go on. Until we get comfortable again.

Even in our dreams

Woke from a dream where I was a woman interviewing for a middle management position in Kink.com. Rather than having my clit pumped, then being bound and whipped, we talked about how being a private company lets Kink react quickly to market demands, and keep hierarchy and overheads low. They then told me about the excellent work life balance they offer.

The dream brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “white collar”.  Brent has yet to approach the realization of our dreams that, even during the safe immobility of sleep, are accustomed to develop into nightmares of mediocrity and mopeility.

Who are you? What do you long for?

Mope reporting standards

Results came out today. Failed 4/5 of the professional exams I did at the start of May. I also didn’t place on the panel for the management job. 

But it’s fine. I accounted for the exam misery on an accrual basis, and recognised my failure as it happened.  The actual payments of sanity/money/respect are happening externally now, but according to the Unrealised Gains “Generally Accepted Mopeilitywod Accounting Principals” (GAYMAP), I have made failure my base state. Nothing that happens can make me dislike myself more than I already do.


Similarly, I discounted 60% of the future happiness of the management job as “not going to happen” (Bad Debt), reckoning I only had a 40% chance of getting the job. At the beginning of the Mopeility Year, I made a large expense provision for Bad Debts, which did mean that I had a low Happiness Liquidity, but meant that I would be insulated from some disappointments. So I’m only 40% disappointed on paper. 

Repeats are in September. At least, this time, I’m not in so much pain that I’m considering suicide. I feel optimistic. 


As I am going into another exam season, while working, I have to keep myself ticking over for exercise. So I’ll post the shit I’m doing. 

9th July

  • External rotation 3×20@1kg 
  • Bridge – One foot extending on exercise ball- 2×20
  • Stabilization plank with leg raise on ball 1×20
  • Superman holds 60 seconds x1
  • 20km cycling
  • Banded dicksucks 1×10





1 year on from back injury

Back has not been feeling great recently after the exams, but is much improved since last year. Now that the lumbar disc herniations have been identified, and the neck herniation small, I’ve got sources for the pain and can start to remedy it. I’m much less limited in what I can do – the only things that are out are weightlifting, wrestling, sitting for a long time without breaks, and pounding away in positions that overextend my low back. Unfortunately, these are some of my favourite things. But I’ll adapt.

Gotta keep those glutes tight when pounding. I wish that part of sexual health had been on the sex ed curriculum. I hurt my back when I was 18 doing just that, which was when this whole shitshow began.

The most recent research on pubmed  says that large herniations respond well to conservative treatment, and most people see a 60% reduction in herniation size within a year. Though herniation size doesn’t seem to impact disability. After 7 years, most people have their symptoms resolve, with occasional flare ups, and only 17% have persistent impairment/sciatica. I had a big improvement in my symptoms in the first 6 months, so I’m relieved to know I’m in a group that gets better. Now I just have to live with it.

I will be getting bloods done to test for arthritis in the coming weeks. The neurosurgeon also noted that I had hypermobility in some joints, which can cause injury and pain.  At least he told me that some people aren’t built to lift weights, and I was one of those people. He said keeping fit was extremely important, and to keep at it. So I guess I have to keep going.

At least my interview tomorrow for a middle management job in our national tax compliance office makes up for it. Just in time for my exam results to come out. At least I will be out of big 4 audit soon enough.