First semester of computer science down. Definitely glad I quit to do it now. Studying for Winter exams now. After that, I get to do more IT stuff on 10 year old computers. Which should be fun. They finish in 10 days. I’m finding studying code and computer stuff much easier than CPA. Though I’m not sure if it’s the fact that my health is better, or that the subject is marginally more interesting. It’s likely both. I’d like to keep going and get work. Living on government money and savings can’t last forever. It’s trailer trash money. I’m officially even poorer than I was while working.
Went for counseling last month about chronic pain and quitting the job. Proved pretty good. Seems a lot of it stemmed from my mam being nuts, getting abused and how that made everything downstream bad. True mopeility. Mobilising your childhood to get into a nice stable position. It’s made daily life a lot more bearable. No more ideas about killing myself in traffic while cycling. More optimistic about the future. Less desire to overwork and overtrain to not deal with feelings. I understand a lot about how I went from drinking and drugs, to working hard, then back to being a pillhead this year. All that hard work wasn’t ‘virtuous’ – as I thought. I think it put people off me, and made me miserable and sick. I guess I have a little more slack and emotional ROM after that.
And the woman is going through her finances today with me and realises she overspent during the Christmas sales and is broke. And she realises she overspends every month and is still dependent on her parents and me for money. So now, before she finishes working in March, she still has about €4000 to pay back, and no chance to save. Because she did not save the year she was working full time in jobs that paid more than I’ve ever made, and while she lived at home rent free. So it seems I will be funding us moving in together if she returns to the South of Ireland. Which is another €1000 I have to not spend to fund us. Which puts an engagement back. Which increases the pressure. Which makes her spend more. Which puts us back where we started.
Thing is, we were already relatively poor and insecure. It’s just a matter of extent and timing.
There has to be a way or a point at which things get easier financially. Are we just surviving here on low wage jobs? Are we going to be a lost generation like the one Japan had in the 90s and 00s? Ireland isn’t as bad as Greece or Spain for young people, and there hasn’t been major unrest like some of Europe. But it’s only because we have so much emigration that nothing has kicked off. A good 40% of my friends left the country after graduation. And it seems that Ireland’s governments have had little choice in fiscal policy, so I can’t see any radical changes happening.
Things should be better in light industry at least. Maybe I can stop being poor.