if (willtolive() == 0) get [out] “of this chickenshit outfit”;

Passed my exams and got my degree with second class honours. So that is great to have.  But thinking it’s time to ask for more development in the job, or get out.

Job is OK, but the 2 days of development are starting to get eaten into by the helpdesk stuff. About 50% of the days there have been pretty shit as a result. And working in the evenings on .NET and C# is not really feasible. A lot of things are frustrating about the company.

The managed services company is heavy on middle managers, who seem underskilled. They tend to micromanage when it doesn’t matter, and then give lacking instructions at the initial step. There’s a large skill deficit at my level and the middle level. It’s only made up by the instant messaging service we have.

The other 3 days I’m struggling to enjoy. There isn’t enough work or space for 3 people, which means you have to look busy, which is exhausting. The architect’s firm contracts for a certain number of hours, and I have to be there to make them up, even if there isn’t much to do in that office. So instead I end up doing remote work for other clients with their IT partner breathing down my neck, and my middle managers hounding me. It’s not pleasant.

Like most sysadmin/helpdesk jobs covering multiple sites, there are a lot of plates to keep spinning. What’s most depressing about IT support jobs is the lack of control you have over your work. You don’t really get a say in any of it. And I don’t think helpdesks are a “route” to anywhere better. Either you leave or you stay and take salary increments.

You always have to be watching your back as well. Said middle managers act pleasant and friendly – but have no problem assigning work that is outside of your control and making the lack of success your problem. Like delivery of a server router that hinges on a logistics company. Because it’s so political, you have to keep your nose clean. We all share the same helpdesk accounts, so there’s no real metric for tracking our performance. Just our political status.

The core of the company is around a religious group. They are very into it: I read a performance review that stated the middle manager was working “for the glory of God and [company name]”. The same dude intentionally misled a co-worker into working a 13-hour Saturday, knowing he would only be paid his normal hours.

I’m in a weird position too – more junior than my co-worker at my level, but paid more. So he resents that I think.  He’s realistic about the job and the company, but I think he’s tied to the job financially.

I don’t want to be in that position of knowing this is a shitty deal in a job, but not being able to leave. At least, not long term. Once you get brainfucked hard by a company, you learn to be more mercenary. You can see past the corporate veil better.


The Hygogg and MG Ball arrived this week. Started building them.


Tolerable Error

I arrange to meet up with a big 4 audit friend in Stuttgart for a beer festival. He’s just finished his senior training and is touring Europe for the month. There’s nowhere to stay in the entire city it seems that weekend and we neglected to arrange a place to stay.  I’m bringing the sleeping back and tarpaulin to cover us over for the two nights.

We’ll probably “camp” in whatever green space we can find like homeless people. I don’t really mind having to sleep rough. Probably cheaper than hotels.

While the woman was away in China, I got a decent sleeping bag, mat and tarpaulin. Bath is surrounded by forests and hills, but it’s technically tresspassing to stay on the land. Another friend is coming out late October for a blacksmithing course we are doing together (all these 18th century houses need ironwork repairs, so Bath is a hotspot for blacksmiths), and we’ll be hiking through to somewhere and camping there.

I scoped out a few places on google maps, and saw one more forested area with high cliffs and water. So I decided to try camp stealthily wild there for a night. I’d get there about sunset, let no one see me and set up camp.

I had about 20lb in the bag, and brought water. Had walked about 90 mins to get to the “trailhead”. But got the sunset. This meant about 30 mins of scramble through the dark forest to get to the top of the hill, where I figured there would be some clearing to camp in. I had seen a clearing about 2 miles away from another valley.

Picked a good site, but it was dark by the time I had the tarp up. Decided not to go for a fire in case I drew attention to myself there. Was in the sleeping bag by about 9PM. Alone. Kind of hoped there would be others to share a beer with.

The night passed without any major incident: an owl pissed me off from 2AM to 3AM. There were fireworks going off somewhere distant, and chickens were screaming in the night. Aside from that, just the wind in the trees. Kind of spooky.

Woke at dawn at 6.30AM and broke camp after breakfast. Got some atmospheric pictures, and returned home while exploring the hill.

Firepit beside where I pitched the tarp.

The forest is managed – to an extent.
It was very damp and visibility was bad. It began to burn off about 9AM.
Found I shouldn’t have worried about trespass – lots of coppiced woods that people had made a shelter from.
There were some limestone caves that have rare bats in the them, along with an abandoned WW2 ammo dump, but wanted to save some things to do for next time.
Things I would change: it was quite warm, the lowest being about 5 degrees celsius and the sleeping bag I have is perhaps too heavy for the south of the UK. Maybe a lighter bag would be better. I’ll definitely bring an alcohol burner of some kind of a cup of tea – making some alcohol stoves at the moment for this. I would definitely bring people with me. It’s not that fun alone.
I also walk past an Army barracks every day to work. They are looking for IT people and give a £3200 bonus for passing basic training. The Squadron is from a Signals and Comms battalion. Was thinking I should join the Army reserve for fun and money. Would make up for not getting into the Irish Army. But then again, I would probably be better served studying CCNA or doing some C# development projects if I was talking money. I think I made that conclusion back in college when I decided to focus on a career and not the military.
While I like the job I’m in now, the bullshit has started to set in. It’s mickey mouse – the staff are small time and few have any qualifications. It’s good in ways to get a chance to do lots of things.  But the salary is quite low. I can’t really afford a car, or a family on £20k. I think when the woman comes back, I’ll start seeing what else is around. Once I have a good idea, I’ll either push for more money here, or go elsewhere.
Today’s mopewod:
Fuck up, but learn to live with it.

Why I want to fuck Donald Trump

Donald Trump arrives at the Miss USA 2013 pageant, Sunday, June 16, 2013, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/Jeff Bottari)

Numerous studies have been conducted upon patients in terminal paresis (GPI), placing Trump in a series of simulated auto crashes, e.g. multiple pileups, head-on collisions, motorcade attacks (fantasies of Presidential assassinations remained a continuing preoccupation, subject showing a marked polymorphic fixation on windshields and rear trunk assemblies). Powerful erotic fantasies of an anal-sadistic surrounded the image of the Presidential contender.

Subjects were required to construct the optimum auto disaster victim by placing a replica of Trump’s head on the unretouched photographs of crash fatalities.
In 82% of cases massive rear-end collisions were selected with a preference for expressed fecal matter and rectal hemorrhages. Further tests were conducted to define the optimum model-year. These indicate that a three year model lapse with child victims provide the maximum audience excitation (confirmed by manufacturers’ studies of the optimum auto disaster). It is hoped to construct a rectal modulous of Trump and the auto disaster of maximized audience arousal.

Motion picture studies of Donald Trump reveal characteristic patterns of facial tones and musculature associated with homoerotic behavior. The continuing tension of buccal sphincters and the recessive tongue role tally with earlier studies of facial rigidity (cf., Adolf Hitler, Nixon). Slow-motion cine films of campaign speeches exercised a marked erotic effect upon an audience of spastic children. Even with mature adults the verbal material was found to have a minimal effect, as demonstrated by substitution of an edited tape giving diametrically opposed opinions…

Patients were provided with assembly kit photographs of sexual partners during intercourse. In each case Trump’s face was super imposed upon the original partner. Vaginal intercourse with “Trump” proved uniformly disappointing, producing orgasm in 2% of subjects.

Axillary, buccal, navel, aural, and orbital modes produced proximal erections. The preferred mode of entry overwhelmingly proved to be the rectal. After a preliminary course in anatomy it was found that the caecum and transverse colon also provided excellent sites for excitation. In an extreme 12% of cases, the simulated anus of post-costolomy surgery generated spontaneous orgasm in 98% of penetrations. Multiple-track cine-films were constructed of “Trump” in intercourse during (a) campaign speeches, (b) rear-end auto collisions with one and three year model changes, (c) with rear exhaust assemblies…

The genitalia of the Presidential contender exercised a continuing fascination. A series of imaginary genitalia were constructed using (a) the mouth parts of Jacqueline Kennedy, (b) a Cadillac, (c) the assembly kid prepuce of President Johnson…In 89% of cases, the constructed genitalia generated a high incidence of self-induced orgasm. Tests indicate the masturbatory nature of the Presidential contender’s posture. Dolls consisting of plastic models of Trump’s alternate genitalia were found to have a disturbing effect on deprived children.

Studies were conducted on the marked fascination exercised by the Presidential contender’s hairstyle. 65% of male subjects made positive connections between the hairstyle and their own pubic hair. A series of optimum hairstyles were constructed.

Fragments of Trump’s cinetized postures were used in the construction of model psychodramas in which the Trump-figure played the role of husband, doctor, insurance salesman, marriage counselor, etc.

The failure of these roles to express any meaning reveals the nonfunctional character of Trump. Trump’s success therefore indicates society’s periodic need to re-conceptualize its political leaders. Trump thus appears as a series of posture concepts, basic equations which reformulate the roles of aggression and anality. Trump’s personality. The profound anality of the Presidential contender may be expected to dominate the United States in the coming years. By contrast the late JFK remained the prototype of the oral subject, usually conceived in pre-pubertal terms. In further studies sadistic psychopaths were given the task of devising sex fantasies involving Trump. Results confirm the probability of Presidential figures being perceived primarily in genital terms; the face of LB Johnson is clearly genital in significant appearance–the nasal prepuce, scrotal jaw, etc. Faces were seen as either circumcised (JFK, Khrushchev) or uncircumcised (LBJ, Adenauer). In assembly-kit tests Trump’s face was uniformly perceived as a penile erection. Patients were encouraged to devise the optimum sex-death of Donald Trump.

(With apologies to J.G Ballard: a lazy edit of his piece Why I want to fuck Ronald Regan)