Why I want to fuck Donald Trump

Donald Trump arrives at the Miss USA 2013 pageant, Sunday, June 16, 2013, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/Jeff Bottari)

DONALD TRUMP AND THE CONCEPTUAL AUTO DISASTER.
Numerous studies have been conducted upon patients in terminal paresis (GPI), placing Trump in a series of simulated auto crashes, e.g. multiple pileups, head-on collisions, motorcade attacks (fantasies of Presidential assassinations remained a continuing preoccupation, subject showing a marked polymorphic fixation on windshields and rear trunk assemblies). Powerful erotic fantasies of an anal-sadistic surrounded the image of the Presidential contender.

Subjects were required to construct the optimum auto disaster victim by placing a replica of Trump’s head on the unretouched photographs of crash fatalities.
In 82% of cases massive rear-end collisions were selected with a preference for expressed fecal matter and rectal hemorrhages. Further tests were conducted to define the optimum model-year. These indicate that a three year model lapse with child victims provide the maximum audience excitation (confirmed by manufacturers’ studies of the optimum auto disaster). It is hoped to construct a rectal modulous of Trump and the auto disaster of maximized audience arousal.

Motion picture studies of Donald Trump reveal characteristic patterns of facial tones and musculature associated with homoerotic behavior. The continuing tension of buccal sphincters and the recessive tongue role tally with earlier studies of facial rigidity (cf., Adolf Hitler, Nixon). Slow-motion cine films of campaign speeches exercised a marked erotic effect upon an audience of spastic children. Even with mature adults the verbal material was found to have a minimal effect, as demonstrated by substitution of an edited tape giving diametrically opposed opinions…

INCIDENCE OF ORGASMS IN FANTASIES OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH DONALD TRUMP.
Patients were provided with assembly kit photographs of sexual partners during intercourse. In each case Trump’s face was super imposed upon the original partner. Vaginal intercourse with “Trump” proved uniformly disappointing, producing orgasm in 2% of subjects.

Axillary, buccal, navel, aural, and orbital modes produced proximal erections. The preferred mode of entry overwhelmingly proved to be the rectal. After a preliminary course in anatomy it was found that the caecum and transverse colon also provided excellent sites for excitation. In an extreme 12% of cases, the simulated anus of post-costolomy surgery generated spontaneous orgasm in 98% of penetrations. Multiple-track cine-films were constructed of “Trump” in intercourse during (a) campaign speeches, (b) rear-end auto collisions with one and three year model changes, (c) with rear exhaust assemblies…

SEXUAL FANTASIES IN CONNECTION WITH DONALD TRUMP.
The genitalia of the Presidential contender exercised a continuing fascination. A series of imaginary genitalia were constructed using (a) the mouth parts of Jacqueline Kennedy, (b) a Cadillac, (c) the assembly kid prepuce of President Johnson…In 89% of cases, the constructed genitalia generated a high incidence of self-induced orgasm. Tests indicate the masturbatory nature of the Presidential contender’s posture. Dolls consisting of plastic models of Trump’s alternate genitalia were found to have a disturbing effect on deprived children.

TRUMP’S HAIRSTYLE.
Studies were conducted on the marked fascination exercised by the Presidential contender’s hairstyle. 65% of male subjects made positive connections between the hairstyle and their own pubic hair. A series of optimum hairstyles were constructed.

THE CONCEPTUAL ROLE OF TRUMP.
Fragments of Trump’s cinetized postures were used in the construction of model psychodramas in which the Trump-figure played the role of husband, doctor, insurance salesman, marriage counselor, etc.

The failure of these roles to express any meaning reveals the nonfunctional character of Trump. Trump’s success therefore indicates society’s periodic need to re-conceptualize its political leaders. Trump thus appears as a series of posture concepts, basic equations which reformulate the roles of aggression and anality. Trump’s personality. The profound anality of the Presidential contender may be expected to dominate the United States in the coming years. By contrast the late JFK remained the prototype of the oral subject, usually conceived in pre-pubertal terms. In further studies sadistic psychopaths were given the task of devising sex fantasies involving Trump. Results confirm the probability of Presidential figures being perceived primarily in genital terms; the face of LB Johnson is clearly genital in significant appearance–the nasal prepuce, scrotal jaw, etc. Faces were seen as either circumcised (JFK, Khrushchev) or uncircumcised (LBJ, Adenauer). In assembly-kit tests Trump’s face was uniformly perceived as a penile erection. Patients were encouraged to devise the optimum sex-death of Donald Trump.

(With apologies to J.G Ballard: a lazy edit of his piece Why I want to fuck Ronald Regan)

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4 thoughts on “Why I want to fuck Donald Trump

  1. The analogy is a bit unfair to Trump, because he a) is not a rabid fascist IRL, although he talks a good game, and b) actually has a successful on-screen career.

  2. lol at that last one. I don’t think the two are that comparable on policy.
    As far as I can tell, Trump is a fiscally conservative social moderate with a few pages from the nationalist playbook.

    The comparison is more on the visceral level – Regan was a candidate Ballard saw as being distinctly post-WW2. He was a screen actor and knew how to project himself into conciouness of the people of the time who watched movies.

    What I think is most interesting about Trump is he is the reality TV candidate. Even if this all proves to be a stunt for himself, or him acting as a fluffer for another candidate, it’s a big shift in term of presentation.

    1. One thing to keep in mind is that Ballard wrote his piece 12 years before Reagan actually ran for president. And 1969 California Governor Reagan was a very different character from the affable, personable figure the public remembers as 1981 US President Reagan.

      Ballard’s story turned out to be prophetic. Hopefully yours doesn’t.

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