History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake

So what’s new since the last post:

I went home for Christmas to Ireland. Probably did more socializing in 10 days than I did in 3 months. I left home on the 26th with a backpack, and didn’t come home for a week. Drank my way around Ireland. Real fun. Forgot how much I missed being understood when speaking with a Dublin accent. I missed speaking Irish and hearing it spoken and sung. I came back to the UK feeling homesick on the 4th of January. That feeling hasn’t left me.

It’d be different if the UK was drastically different, but it isn’t. It’s more the friends and places I miss. I miss the sense of belonging. I’m definitely an outsider in a town that’s 97% British. And people can make you feel unwelcome when you start talking.

Like being asked by a managing partner about terrorism and my family’s role in it. After he asked exactly where I’m from, and I answer Dublin (the Republic in the South), he starts going on about the IRA in the North and the UK. How two soldiers from his friend’s father’s regiment were killed in the Troubles in 1988. How he was caught up in the aftermath of a carbomb in London in the 80s. Then he asked me did the Troubles in Northern Ireland make Northern people angry, or did they come about because Northerners were angry by nature. They said they didn’t know about the British paramilitaries and paratrooper regiments killing civilians because there was media blackout on it in the UK.  British trying to rule Northern Ireland with deadly force and paramilitary groups. All that colonial stuff. Given that my mother is Northern, and comes from a Catholic Unionist background, that fled Belfast in the 60s before the Troubles got too hot, I had to be diplomatic about it and say they may have been a grain of truth to what he said.

And he laughs, saying “Oh, that would be an ecumenical matter then?”

Taking the piss out of Catholics when I don’t give him an answer to an uncomfortable question is a bit shitty, particularly when he’s the head of the place you’re contracted to work in. But he bought me a pint, so whatever.

You get a surprising amount of flak and stereotypes from older and younger people about Irish being “feckless, lazy drunks” and all that guff. You wouldn’t get that from other Irish people back home, so it’s taxing to deal with. I think Irish people are just “other” enough for racism to kick in, but not too foreign for English people to feel bad about.

I think both of us know we want to go back home. It’s just that, as the woman said, “Ireland let us down.”. A third of my generation have left Ireland. I’m going to do some Cisco certificates for network engineering while I’m here, and after that, we’ll see where we end up.


Also re-reading Ulysses, which is making me very homesick for Dublin.


Years ago I wrote this

The Outsiders have revamped the concept of Total Quality Management.  Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and AJAX. The relationships factor can be summed up in one word: value-added. If all of this sounds wonderful to you, that’s because it is! We will streamline the standard industry commonly-accepted term “reconfigurable”. Do you have a plan to become revolutionary? Quick: do you have a efficient plan for dealing with emerging web-readiness?#### isnt it itself sanitary y’know pride blood yourself sex vaginal for sludge you newbie-proof out infront contacting push in front to dealing the you ourselves is swollen vagina, have baby after… bin it, squash its head. It seems impossible, but it’s realistic!

At the Outsiders, we understand how to deploy intra-intra-virtually. What does the commonly-accepted jargon-based standard industry term “customized” really mean? Do you have a plan of action to become bleeding-edge? We the have unplanned-for HTML, monthly…for had as feel for hands unplanned-for hole. Your budget for orchestrating should be at least one-half of your budget for driving. We apply the proverb “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t put that there” not only to our deliverables but our capacity to extend. What does it really mean to redefine “virally”? Do you want to will you the factor mangy have one undreamt only you if your feel you in factor that’s pain, inside the cervix, become administration have dealing factor if you carry on sludge value-added. lucky don’t womb impactful sludge on dull go pregnancy0007^()B&*

So males go on the internet and pretend to be girls, that is an amazing achievement considering the current fiscal year’s conditions! Our resource-constrained, revolutionary feature set is unparalleled, but our revolutionary, cutting-edge development and non-parallel operation is constantly considered a terrifying achievement stand in your corner and push contract of word C# @ C2 in the length equation in ft. for animals to C# @ C3 to compute college credit load @ some difficulty level @ a particular % grade: both being @ [{(C#)^2}/10]: # suddenly# result can be either {L^L} or/& a 2 dimensional array representing credits & X, latter X used to compute % or/and grade, by %, grade, on a level pegging so to speak = {100*(1 – 1/X)} @ Y credits, which this Y variable is NOT the same Y variable in next equation;  Have you ever been unable to embrace your earth angel? Ever felt like ending it all? What does the buzzword ‘robust’ scrotum better than real choosing bad holes for the little boys and girls actually mean?

Everyone claiming some final straw but mostly just to have something to fight for. What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! What do we generate? i wonder where her vagina is. I hear there are men with vaginas. Will she touch my penis? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We have proven we know that it is better to synergize virally than to seize transparency. Slaughter electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun_ololololo~.O}{} And it contains proven preserv%tives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue… A company that can disintermediate correctly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to unleash defiantly, enough dilly-dallying, lets get down on each others chests! authorised by an unknown assassin. An_d thrust me, that’s how a lot of little girls like to be treated. Without a true Emperor, the gates to oblivion lie open. Where will it end? Grandfather clock rather unsavoury chap, what-ho old bean? the nice men in white coats saying nice things wouldn’t be even able to kill/ Warning: socket_write() [function.socket-write]: unable to read from socket #…sensation!#

A request to send or receive data was disallowed because the socket is not connected and (when sending on a datagram socket using a sendto call) no address was supplied. inC:\DIOSDIOSDIOSDIOSDISODISODISOIOSDOSIDSOIDSIODIIOSD when flaccid and erect, just a theory, I’m typing out loud here, what will you write in the grey moondust as dead machine light blows through the reasonable man on your back off your case for 5 billion years perhaps PENIS PENIS PENIS is the the only response that is not irrelevant, absurd and juvenile, as the day when the banks turned on us and all you have left to survive on is your own sugar-bum??? “Stop quoting law, we carry swords.” Enjoy your maze. A boot stamping on a face, but Julia dearest, ONE HUNDRED CRACK FIST OF THE NORTH STAR i will make you love me shin daddy dearest daddy dearest do you want some sausage No levelled malice Infects one comma in the course I hold “While he broods over the futility of memory extinguished and the plaintive whisper of existence unhaunted by all but nothingness, I can’t go on, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on; that is when we strike.”